"Consider the lilies of the field how they grow;...if God so clothe the grass of the field,...even so will he clothe you, if ye are not of little faith. Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? For your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow, for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself." 3 Nephi 13:28-34
This became one of my very favorite scriptures in the months after I lost my husband. As he was diagnosed with terminal cancer, my world was turned upside down. The life that I thought we would continue to have together was gone. My fears and worries became almost unbearable. I remember one day sitting out on the back porch in the early spring of 2008, realizing that we weren't going to get the miracle. Kim's health was declining rapidly. I had just had a conversation with his nurse practioner. I asked her how long we were looking at. She replied, "Are you ready for that conversation?" I think I finally was. It had taken me eight long months to get there. She told me, maybe six months if we continued treatments. It ended up being less than three. I sat there wondering how I could possibly keep the house, pay the mounting hospital bills, and provide for my family. If there was one moment of complete despair in my life, this was it. I was only 48 years old. I was losing my best friend, the love of my life. My children were losing their beloved father. My entire world felt like it had shattered. Everything that I thought my life would be was gone.
As I was sitting there, in my beautiful garden that Kim and I both loved, I felt more alone than I had ever felt before in my entire life. A well-meaning relative had advised me to go back to school so I would be prepared for the eventuality of Kim's death. At this point, I was taking Kim up to the Huntsman Cancer Institute daily. He needed constant care. I still had four children living at home. I had 30 piano students. I was serving as the Stake Young Women President. Where would I find the time, the money, the energy? At that moment, one of the lowest in my life, my sweet sister-in-law, Lisa, called to see how I was doing. I know that Heavenly Father inspired her to call me. I told her about my fears and worries for the future. I told her I just didn't think that I could do more than just get through one day at a time. She gave me the wisest council and advice that I think I have ever gotten. She told me that I was doing enough, that Heavenly Father would not let me down. She told me that miracles happen, just when you don't see how things can possibly work out, He provides a way. I knew that she knew from experience what she was talking about. She lost her own husband to multiple sclerosis at an even younger age. She also told me that if Heavenly Father wanted me to go back to school or start looking for a job, He would put those thoughts and feelings into my heart. She said EXACTLY what I needed to hear that day, and it brought great peace to my heart.....and it still does.
I have often thought about what I would say to someone close to me in a similar situation. I would give them a big hug and tell them that everything will be OK. We will help you figure it out. You are not alone.
Looking back on that day of complete despair, Heavenly Father has blessed me so much more than I could have even imagined at the time. Even though we lost our husband and father, we have also received many miracles and tender mercies along the way. Life has certainly not been easy! I have had many days of loneliness and sorrow. But, I have learned to have greater faith. I have learned that if I do all that I can, the Lord will make up the difference. He will provide a way. Consider the lilies.....
As I was sitting there, in my beautiful garden that Kim and I both loved, I felt more alone than I had ever felt before in my entire life. A well-meaning relative had advised me to go back to school so I would be prepared for the eventuality of Kim's death. At this point, I was taking Kim up to the Huntsman Cancer Institute daily. He needed constant care. I still had four children living at home. I had 30 piano students. I was serving as the Stake Young Women President. Where would I find the time, the money, the energy? At that moment, one of the lowest in my life, my sweet sister-in-law, Lisa, called to see how I was doing. I know that Heavenly Father inspired her to call me. I told her about my fears and worries for the future. I told her I just didn't think that I could do more than just get through one day at a time. She gave me the wisest council and advice that I think I have ever gotten. She told me that I was doing enough, that Heavenly Father would not let me down. She told me that miracles happen, just when you don't see how things can possibly work out, He provides a way. I knew that she knew from experience what she was talking about. She lost her own husband to multiple sclerosis at an even younger age. She also told me that if Heavenly Father wanted me to go back to school or start looking for a job, He would put those thoughts and feelings into my heart. She said EXACTLY what I needed to hear that day, and it brought great peace to my heart.....and it still does.
I have often thought about what I would say to someone close to me in a similar situation. I would give them a big hug and tell them that everything will be OK. We will help you figure it out. You are not alone.
Looking back on that day of complete despair, Heavenly Father has blessed me so much more than I could have even imagined at the time. Even though we lost our husband and father, we have also received many miracles and tender mercies along the way. Life has certainly not been easy! I have had many days of loneliness and sorrow. But, I have learned to have greater faith. I have learned that if I do all that I can, the Lord will make up the difference. He will provide a way. Consider the lilies.....
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