The Incredibles

As written by my sister Shari.....

On June 5, 2008, my fifty-two year old brother-in-law Kim died of brain cancer. My family gathered around my sister and her six children, and for a few days we reminisced, laughed, cried, strengthened, and supported. One of the movies we played trying to keep the kids entertained during those long days was The Incredibles. The movie played over and over. Words like "heroics" and "superhero" echoed relentlessly in the background as we prepared for the funeral. Later, as my family stood in a circle around Kim's grave at the Salt Lake City Cemetery, I looked around at each of my five sisters, and those movie words began spinning through my mind. Standing there inside that circle, I realized that I belong to a family of "incredibles."

I don't mean that in a bragging sort of way. My sisters are just ordinary women. They are all stay-at-home moms who are as busy and harried as the next woman with mini-vans and suburbans stuffed full of kids and kids' friends. None of them has ever run a company, made much money, or served in a position of unusual notice. But as I looked at each of them that day in our family circle, I saw them for who they really are and what they really do.

Standing straight across from me was my just-older sister CarolLynn, now left alone, a young widow at 49. I had watched her for the past ten months as she played nurse, taking meticulous and loving care of her failing husband. She dealt with countless doctors, tests, treatments, disappointments, and fleeting hopes. I saw her stand in the face of despair with defiance and faith. Sure, she had bad days (and she still does), but she showed me a side of herself I did not know she had. Her strength, courage, and faith as she faces a cloudy, unsure future make her "incredible."

Next to CarolLynn stood Heidi, my sweet sister who loves children but could never have as many as she wanted. To fill that void, she cheerfully mentors and watches other women's children and volunteers at the local schools, but somehow it's just not the same as having a house full of your own children. Heidi will drop whatever she's doing at any time to answer someone's call for help. She took over much of CarolLynn's insurance and medical bill mess during and after Kim's illness. The wife of a busy bishop, Heidi serves behind the scenes waiting patiently and uncomplainingly in the wings. She's the one who meets needs of those who don't yet know they have a need. She's "incredible."

Right next to Heidi was my beautiful sister Robyn, trend-setter and life of the party. "Bun" is the aunt who plans movies and sleep-overs as well as weekly snowboarding trips for any interested nieces and nephews. She keeps all the sisters updated on the latest styles and accessories and tries (sometimes even successfully!) to help us avoid the dreaded middle-aged "frumpiness." Robyn and her husband work hard and are blessed with a bit of wealth (at least compared to the rest of us). In spite of that (or maybe because of that) they spend most of their time and money on others. Robyn has been known to leave sewing machines, groceries, holiday decorations, clothes, and other necessities (and luxuries) on unsuspecting but desperate doorsteps. Her unconditional acceptance and love for any human being make her "incredible."

To Robyn's left, juggling one child on her left hip and calming one with her right hand, stood my youngest sister Jenny, wife of a driven doctor who wasn't able to make it to the funeral. Par for the course, Jen stood alone with her children. Much of her married life has been spent that way because of Jason's busy school, intern, and doctor schedule. Jen's been a great strength to many other women she met as she moved from San Francisco to Connecticut to Florida to Montana. She travels by herself many times with her four kids in tow, and cares meticulously and tirelessly for her active and bright children. I look at Jen's solitary strength and determination, and I know what makes her "incredible."

True to form, Becky stood next to Jen offering her famous quiet aide and support. Becky, our compassionate caregiver, never thinks of her own wants and needs and always serves in humble and simple ways. A few years ago, Becky gave up a darling home of her own to move into her widowed father-in-law's home. She and her children now lovingly care for Grandpa Ed who suffers from Alzheimer's. Becky has become Grandpa Ed's champion--fiercely defending, protecting, loving, and caring for him without complaint. Becky is the one sister who acted as the true bulwark for CarolLynn while Kim battled cancer. At random times, Becky would show up on CarolLynn's doorstep with a Coke and some Dunford donuts, and during Kim's battle with cancer, Becky took CarolLynn and her family dinner every Thursday night in spite of her own busy schedule with four involved kids, a husband in the bishopric, and sweet Grandpa Ed. In fact, even though Kim's been gone for a while now, Becky still takes dinner in every Thursday. In my book, Becky is definitely "incredible."

Others scattered and hovered around my circle of sisters that day--my mom and dad, my two brothers and their wives, many friends, and a few nieces and nephews. Each of them also has a story, but at that particular moment in time, I saw only my incredible sisters leading incredible lives and doing incredible things. I was proud to be a part of that circle that day, and even though the circumstances that brought us together were burdensome and sorrowful, I will always cherish the one glimpse I had into the incredible lives of my dear sisters.